My first EVER date in the Leela!!!

This is probably not a good time for blogging....I'm chock full of blackcurrant smoothie, more ecstatically happy than I've been in years, and so IN LOVE that it is almost a tangible feeling!!!
Ok, let me start at the beginning (impatient people, please stop reading at this point. I'm warning you-I'm way too happy to be entirely coherent today!). Woke up at 5a.m, stared at my beeping mobile till 6a.m, when I realized I had better mug up something if I wanted to pass my Biology Board Practicals today. The exam was just about okay; the external examiner was a total bitch, and although he did not target me(like he did so many others), I couldn't answer a question he picked from thin air :(. I mean, the unfairness of this injustice still rankles. I know our Bio textbook almost inside out!!!Thu!
Yeah, after losing my ONLY chance of getting a Board 100, I was made to sprint up and down the stairs, with other people's misplaced labcoats in my care, trying desperately to find old lost certificates for in-house Literary competitions and obeying every barked order of our beloved Vicey. Whew! Don't even wanna relive that nightmare. Got a PRINCETON interview tomorrow.
PRINCETON.
PRINCETON UNIVERSITY.
THE BEST GODDAMN UNIVERSITY IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD.
(I'm just hoping that if I type the above a couple hundred more times, it'll finally sink in).
The Princeton application was just to please my parents....Oh no....I don't wanna think about the interview, either.
Nope, what I'm so happy about is the rest of my day, right uptil now. Even though I was touched when Poornima brought us temple prasad and Rao gave us chocolates, I still HATE THIS SCHOOL. I was so gratified to try on my Graduation gown today. 14 years I've waited for this happy happy moment!!!
After (FINALLY) gettin home, Shir and I hurriedly changed, exchanged shoes(for the first time ever!) and set off for IndiJoe's. I love that place. Even though I was surrounded by carcass-devouring, soulLess carnivores(esp Tidke, better known as G^3), I had a great time.
Because I was with Nithin!!!:)
I always thought that love was a fleeting, ephemeral feeling. Just a kick you experience for a week or so, a couple of months at most, and then you move on. I've never believed in true love, the sanctity of marriage, or long-distance relationships. I often wondered how couples could stay married for years and years, decades even, without getting bored. I mean, imagine waking up each and EVERY morning to see the same stinky-breathing face next to yours(everyday, I fight an almost irresistable urge to smother my sister with the pillow).
But now I know. I mean, I feel stupid writing this, I'm sure I haven't ever written such an AIRHEADED blog before. But I feel so great; I can't help it. Sitting in the Leela's Barista today(another first!), drinking a tall, never ending lavender smoothie, I watched his eyes dance in excitement as he raved and ranted about the simple collage(of all our photos) that I'd presented him. It was the same look when he first saw me, standing sheepishly outside IndiJoe's, with a huge purple ribboned bow around my waist and a lavender sparkling heart in my hair. I couldn't help this mushy gesture because every one of our conversations in the weeks preceding today went like this-
Me-What do you want for your birthday???Please temme!
Nithin-I'm telling you nah;all I want is you.
(awwwwwie)
So,I tried to be his 'gift'. He he.
I'm rediscovering the world and myself, and I'm becoming a far more hopeless romantic than anyone I've ever known-or laughed at. I know that for so long, my fear has kept me from doing so many things. I've always abhorred PDA; always scoffed at tears and emotions; always built my invisible walls. You broke them all. And in doing so, you gave me you-and myself:). Sitting with you today, and watching your obvious happiness, I felt I could've done that for the rest of my life. All I need is you. I thought, after 3 years, and after all the mistakes-the fights, the things we've said, the things we haven't said, the things that could've been, the things that never should've been-we'd never end up here again...Me, wearing your watch and laughing at nothing; you, wearing a certain purple ring:) and drooling over a photo frame. Damn. It seems like only yesterday that you were pelting stones at my mushroom-cut hair, and I was praying for your painful death.
:):):)We've grown up together; and what I really like is the fact that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, we always end up talking about it; laughing, crying, making apologies, welcoming each other back with open arms. Most people get out of a relationship when something goes wrong; I get out of one when nothing goes right. Stupid? Maybe just a twisted plan to get the emotional upper hand(HA! bullshit) and appear strong...
But I'm not scared.....This time, I won't let you go...If I have to, I'll put you on 24hr surveillance(say goodbye to your dates with Babu, haha), scratch out the eyes of every female who so much as looks at you(which I really wanna do,truthfully) and cling and cry. But I will always love you:). You're my everything. It been a long time coming, but it's Fate-and I see no need to change that.
You know why?
In the words of Westlife,
"Every time I breathe I feel brand new....You opened up my heart...Showed me all your love..."
And that's all I'll ever need.
Happy birthday baby:-*

Air Buddies!!!

Ok,quite unlike my usual griping and senti whining I know, but could NOT resist! I LUHVED this movie! It is cuteness personified and a must-watch for everyone!!! It's sweet, funny, endearing and totally entertaining!
The movie is basically about the high flying basketball, soccer and rugby champ Golden Retriever Air Buddy, whose athletic prowess is, I admit, pretty impressive. He falls in love with Molly, another totally gorgeous Golden Retriever, and they have a litter of five ADORABLE puppies! There's Rosebud, who is vain and coquettish (but devilishly smart and staunchly loyal), B-Dawg (the 'bling' basketballer), Mudbud(not hard to guess his fave activity), Buddha (who practises yoga and chants 'OM' to attract positive energy) and Budderball (who can ONLY eat!). When their parents are dognapped, these cute pups set off on a trail that culminates in an engrossing climax. As in every Disney movie, they are helped by kind pigs, wolves and even goats! All the dogs look ADORABLE (naturally, as they're Golden Retts-I admit some are even better looking than Neo!) and the dubbing and scenes are done really nicely.
While most people will roll their eyes and laugh at me, it is truly a movie worth watching-it kindles every kind of emotion-from empathy and interest to laughter and surprise:)

Friends

"Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
-Author Unknown.
Now that I've actually stopped to mull over it, my friends have shaped my personality (and me) over nearly 18 years. Some have come and gone, many have left indelible footprints on my heart, so many more have helped me heal....They have laughed, cried, sung and danced with me; fought my battles, laughed with me when I was laughng too hard to complete joke punchlines, and shared my lunches. I guess they all deserve atleast one blog acknowledging their incredible contributions to my world. I have cut off many from my life, due to trivial reasons; many that could've been salvaged, and looking back is painful. For the sake of discretion, I shan't mention many names, except the ones of those who won't mind(or know!).
Jeev(real name Sanjeev)....you've taught me more about human nature, relationships and trust than everyone else put together and raised to the power of infinity :). Apart from being my first love and the reason for my insomnia (I still blame u! all those late nite phone calls!!!;p), your troubled life(wat wid separated parents) and unpredictable nature removed my gullible-child blindfold pretty quickly. I'm always glad when we have an occasional, late night online chat; I'm surprised at how little I feel for you, since you were once the crux of my lil universe. I also catch flashes o you in me; sarcastic comments, a disconcertin habit of laughin at others outright. You helped uncover me; for that I will be forever grateful;from a meek, bullied girl you molded a confident (sometimes overly so) and no-nonsense 'biatch'.
Two other friends entered my life around the same time, and went on to become my best ever gal pals. I don't really wanna mention names. But that sisterhood, that feelin of rock solid support and love...I have never found it elsewhere. It helped me tide thru da worst time of my life. Thank you for holding me while I sobbed uncontrollably on learning that Shriram was dead; thank you for fighting on me side during all the stupid clique fights; thank you for listening during my extremely violent outbursts. Thank you for propping me up and teaching me to be strong,even when I pushed you away. Thank you for loving me. Often, I look at a photo or a letter, and I remember those times; I hope you do too. I'm sorry for bein such a thoughtless screwball and cutting you loose. I'm a fool.
And, ah, this one would be the hardest-since it is the most recent. They say that love is jus something that grows from frndship. That makes sense wid us, but I know the exact moment when I fell in love with you-or rather, with your smile. That smile was happy and honest and a thousand other paradoxical things all at once. I couldn't resist gazing at it in utter delight, and I always did my best to provoke it. When you smiled, the world seemed a bit better. There was no one I wanted to impress more, yet everytime I was around you, I would end up making myself look like a total doofus. And you would smile. And I would melt...
So after many conversations(mostly texting, about every conceiveable ting under the sun, from pooh to nitemares to Sridhar) and one where you unjustly laughed at my singing abilities(or lack of them!), and regaling my GYLC friends with unending stories about you, we started dating. I felt 13 again. My feet never touched the ground, my friends ran away when they saw me approaching(I bored them so bad!), I laughed like a crazy person. Slowly, I changed. You made me BELIEVE again; there was no voice in my head that said, "Yeah, right," whenever you said something mushy or sweet. I took off my nose stud, realizing I didn't need that 'tag' any longer, and after you fatally shamed me, I stopped one of my most self-destructive behaviors(you know wat I'm talking about). The night I had to say goodbye the hardest one of my life. I know you think you meant very little to me; I know you think I was stringing you along and just giving you my 'lines'. Nothing could be further from the truth. You've affected my life in more ways than you will ever realize or fully comprehend. I dont care about losing my ex-boyfrnd, but losing a frnd-that sucks. It hurts when you don't message or bother to acknowledge my existence; but I guess I only have myself to blame :(
And after all this, I realize it will be goodbye to so many more friends in a week or so....No no no no no NO! I don't wanna leave! I don't wanna buy a slam book! I don't wanna uproot my friends, so many of whom have grown familiar and dear over 4 years.
SNIFFLE :'(
I'm such a sentimental wuss.

Nothing to fear.....

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
-Franklin Delaney Roosevelt.
If you're an Indian student studying(or planning to do so) in the US, you should also fear guns-as well as the idiots brandishing them thoughtlessly.
Why so negative???Well, just this morning I read that Abhijit Mahato, an Indian student at Duke's Pratt College of Engineering, had been murdered in cold blood at his North Carolina apartment. Why does it hit so hard???Coz I've applied to da same damn university!!!!!!!!
Gawd, this is scary. My mum is already freakin out(though I'm repeatedly assuring her that no one would wanna shoot me); my sister is eagerly praying that I'm the next Indian victim; my Dad is snoring away his unexpected holiday.
Oh well.
The stats are chilling; there have been 7 Indian victims of shoot outs in a span of a mere 2 years. Most centre around racism and hate crimes... And budding lies are brutally cut short.
Not that India is safe anymore; school children are smuggling guns in their socks and killing bullies.
Where do we go????????Why can't stricter laws be enacted and enforced against these metallic monsters?????????I hate to admit this, but I'm scared! The reality of this situation has gone from being a hazy possibility to a personal, haunting, hard hitting fact...
Sheesh....And FDR, I guess you would know best!!!;)

Freedom...

As a general rule, I HATE 7 letter words.
DISLIKE.
CANCERS.
DIVORCE.
SUICIDE.
SURGERY.
But there's just one 7 letter word I really like, and that's FREEDOM.
Freedom. Such a strong-sounding, beautiful, elusive word. It means different things to different people. To me (and most o my friends) it means graduating from NPS in a couple of weeks time. To my doggie, it means an evening walk without a leash. To my sister, it means the choice to drive the Santro as and when she pleases, and emblazon its surface with gaudy car graphics.
But to most people suppressed by the Communist regime, it means the right to make choices about their lives; the right to say what they please, to think without fear, to read what they want.....
Years ago, I read a poignant book by Jung Chang titled 'Wild Swans'. Those of you who have had Gulmohar texts in middle school will remember a lesson called 'Bound Feet'-it was an extract from the same book. One famous author had commented, 'There has never been a book like this.' I would have to agree. The trials and tribulations suffered by the author's family-her grandmother who was harrassed for being a concubine; her parents, who, despite dedicating their lives to arduously furthering the Communist regime, were tortured under false pretext of being traitors(they were publicly paraded with 'dunce' caps, forced to kneel on broken glass, and threatened with death). The author's father, a principled man who refused to back down on his moral values, was finally done to death. I don't have a gift like Jung Chang; I cannot make you witness the pass of history, or turn teary eyed with a mere word or description...my advice to you is-read the book!!!It took her tremendous courage to write it(it is banned in China) and cost her family a lot, but it is a story that deserves to be heard. Because this ruthless dictator, Mao Tse-Sung, could compete with Hitler; however, while the latter subjected his victims to mere physical torture, the former inflicted mental, emotional and physical suppression to the point of robbing all Chinese of the ability to THINK!!!
A few nights ago, my father and I were watching a documentary of North Korean refugees. Their stories(of having to crawl through the electric fence surrounding their country, their subsequent harrassment in neighboring China) actually made me cry. It seems so impossible that, somewhere in the world, meek human beings are being stripped of their dignity, pride, and essential freedom to suit the whims and fancies of sadistic bigots. The documentary featured a ceremony in which about 200 coal mine workers had undergone eye operations to restore their sight. The operations had been sponsored by the government(obviously, as Communism aims at eliminating 'capital'; the state owns all resources and payment is only in the from of essential commodities and food coupons).
It was sickening, to say the least, to watch so many people come up, bow to the portraits of their insidious dictator and pledge lifelong loyalty, kiss the ground, act hysterical and perform a bizarre ritual of shouting 'we honor you' thrice.
As the news anchor obsered, "There is no real difference between true belief and true fear." You cannot blame such people. The penalty for EVERYTHING is death. Evn worse-when someone MANAGES to escape, all his relatives and friends are packed off to 'death camps' where the guards are instructed to treat the inmates as 'animals'. Even hunting for rats to eat means instant death.
This is mental torture at its worst, its ugliest, and its most fatal. These people, after generations of subjugation and torture...have yielded. They have no hope, no trust, no way of fighting back. And so, cloaked in the garb of Communism, dictatorship continues to reign.
Yeah. And I thought I had problems with 14 years of NPS.

Romeo....and Juliet

"Juliet when we made love you used to cry
You said I love you like the stars above Ill love you till I die
Theres a place for us you know the movie song
When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong Juliet ?"

I have a vivid memory of BRAYING this verse, over and over again, to two besotted lovers not so long ago. I think it was last Diwali or the one before that, I'm not sure. But it's unimportant. Because this story is not about me. It's about them. Those two lovers for whom time, and other people, have lost all importance; they're now in a place where the only thing that matters is having each other.
Vidya. Smart, vivacious, 21-year-old MBBS student. Filthy rich, but brought up by ayahs, nannies and an older brother whom she called 'Surya,' and adored with all her heart and soul. "He's the sunshine of my life," she often told me when she visited our ancestral home in Tumkur with my cousin sister (her classmate and best friend); and "You guys are so lucky to have such a big family. I wish I was a part of it!" To which we all laughingly responded that she indeed was. Over a short span of 2-3 years, my memories of family vacations and get togethers have become synonymous with those of Vidya; her generous laugh, unassuming nature and incredible ability to put people at ease. She was adopted into my large, bustling, boisterous family from the start. She bought my sister HUMUNGOUS Cadbury gift packs(which da pig finished in a day!), discussed sari draping with my aunt, and walked Belli (the world's fussiest doggie) with my grandmother in the rain.
Enter Kunal. I met him only once, that fateful Diwali. I still remember little, insignificant details so starkly. The way they held hands under the table. The way he made her go a brilliant red by just smiling tenderly, so that, in her designer pink lehenga, she looked a freshly bloomed orchid. The way he looked at her....(At this point, I'm out of words. All I can say is that as he gazed at her, I was actually seized by a sick jealousy, wondering if any guy would EVER look at me that way).
We were all bursting crackers that night. Kunal said, "Hand me a rocket, Nanni(my nickname)." "Be careful, you're so busy drooling you'll set yourself on fire instead!" That was my uncle. How we all laughed! That is one of my most treasured memory of family togetherness. Everyone knew; and approved. Even though my grandmother grumbled, "That boy must find a motel. This isn't a brothel! They can't sleep together under my roof," I could tell she was pleased for the two young lovers.
They were so in love that they radiated it; a bond, a security, an unspoken understanding so strong that it reduced everyone else to sopping puddles of mush. Their easy banter (she once chased him all over the garden with a femur they were supposed to be observing!), their comfort zone, their disregard of social (he was a Punjabi, while she was a Kannadiga) and economic (her father was a mulitmillionaire; I'm not too sure about his) status.....all served to make them a perfect couple. I still remember how Kunal, the ultimate bespectacled 'geeky cute' guy, was seriously explaining the difference between genomics and genetics to me once, and as I watched, he looked over my shoulder and his face lit up with an effusive happiness. It was incredible. 3 years of a PERFECT relationship; their plans included a lifetime together.
Looking back now, I WISH I could go to Tumkur and find Vidya there, poring over a fat medical tome, and pull her leg, screeching "You two are so sweet, you give me diabetes!"...Wish Kunal would come visit, smiling that special smile he reserved for her, his angel...
Becuase Kunal was killed in an accident. His motorcycle was hit by a car. Vidya was rendered hysterical, and so her brother brought her home. Two days later, she committed suicide by hanging.
Cold, hard facts.So simple to type. But two young lives, were lost....to be united forever, as indeed they deserve to be.
I'm filled with an inexplicable rage now; rage at her uncaring parents (preoccupied as usual; she was alone when she took her life); rage at the driver who hit Kunal (it was a hit-and-run case); rage at the sadistic God who HAD to ruin this PERFECT RELATIONSHIP!!!
But most of all, I feel overwhelming pity. For my cousin sister, who will never be the same. I guess her definition of crisis has been forever altered. For Surya, whom I've never met, but who seems like an old friend, thanks to all Vidya told me about him. He brought up a wonderful, caring, sensitive sister...
Oh well.
She said, she'd love him till she died (being the cynic that I am, I just laughed).
Well, in the end, that's what she did.

Ennui....

I finished my Biology preboard today....and being the 2nd of January, I was so full of ennui that I barely studied.
After sleeping for, like, 6ours, I just woke up and looked at the question paper again. I have this weird habit of mulling over my papers while sleeping, and I just knew, instinctively, all the mistakes I've made.
And I'm really regretting my laziness... Bio is more than just my fave subject, its my ego exercise.... I haven't NOT topped in lyk 4 years(well, midterm dis year, some female beat me in theory, but I beat her in da overall).
Will Smith once said, "If God never meant for you to have it, that's one thing. But if you chose not to have it, that's your mistake alone."
I so get that now... :(. I should've studied.
Ah well, there is always the board....