Growing up.....

When I was in about the seventh grade, I would often awaken at night with searing pains in my shoulders and legs. "Growing pains," my grandmother would murmur as she rubbed my aching limbs with warm castor oil, an opinion that was echoed by my doctor whenever I complained. That year, I moved from the middle of the class assembly line right to the back, and my newfound 'tallness' both bewildered and gladdened me.I used to slouch around,unsure what to do with my new inches, until I turned to basketball and decided I looked better when I walked tall. But I digress....
Now, as I stand at the threshold of a new life, ready to take on the unknown, with just one REAL day of school left, I'm scared. And hurting; just growing pains, but now its my heart that hurts. I've been waiting to be 'grown up' all my life, to leave home, live independently, take charge. All my catfights with my mother, ever since I entered my teens(and trust me, there have been a LOT of them) have always included this one exchange:
Me-I can't wait to get the hell outta this place! When I'm 18....
Mom-Who's stopping you now? Good Lord, I can't wait....
And now, instead of years, there are mere months remaining...Instead of euphoria, all I feel is insecurity. Who will hold me when I'm in the clutches of one of my vivid nightmares? Who will wake me up and feed me dinner when I'm bone tired? And also, without my sister, who will nag me and make sure I study when I have to? How will it be to walk into an educational institution and have to prove myself before I'm as well-loved there as I am here?
No answers, no way to know. I don't wanna leave my friends, my family, my doggie. They are the only life I know. But I will, someday...and that day is drawing ever closer.
I'm growing up now, I know. I'm looking past the gossip and bitchslapping to sieve out my true friends, the ones I know I'll keep...I avoid tantrums(so do my parents), I walk my dog as long as I can. Sometimes, before falling asleep, I think about how weird it will be to leave it all; my sis snoring beside me, the glowing butterflies on the ceiling, my warm quilt and teddy bear that I've had, like, forever. That's when my heart starts to hurt. But maybe this time, I'll grow so much that I'll be really glad about this change, too. Maybe it's a good thing after all.