Nothing else matters...

Yeah, I know dis is weird, but this song has become my anthem as of now and echoes my feelings...Plus I think I have developed writer's block...

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Broken

A long, long time ago,
When the dodo used to crow,
A queen sat upon her throne,
No one saw her heart of stone.

She ruled wisely and well
But no one could tell,
Whether she really cared,
And to ask her, none dared.

Her subjects wore fine clothes and gold
But their smiles were mirthless and cold,
In their queen's stone heart they saw
That obedience and strictness was her law.

One fine day a toddler of three,
Crawled out of his crib and finding it free,
Stole and ate his mother's cookies,
Not knowing that she made a living selling goodies.

That good lady raised a hue and cry
When the queen enquired why,
She accused her jealous friend
Of stealing to meet her selfish ends.

The fight dragged on for days
The queen with her impatient ways,
Cried, "Hang the woman! Dismiss the case!"
When there entered a man in tailcoats and lace.

"Your Honor", said the stranger,
"I don't want this woman dead,"
"She did not steal the food,
The baby of the owner is no good."

The queen, now tired of such goings-on,
Cried, "Hang this woman's accursed son!"
As the woman wept and pleaded,
The queen was furious her word went unheeded.

She sentenced the woman to the same fate,
As they dragged both victims to the gallows' gate,
The woman cried vindictively,
"I hope God punishes you terribly!"

The queen laughed, and took no note,
As she went into her bedroom fort,
She looked into the mirror, and saw,
Those things emerge when you have an inner flaw.

Her skin was white and radiant,
But her hands grew bony and translucent
Holding court grew tedious and painful,
Being a queen was now a handful.

Cancer back then was unheard of,
The doctors said it was consumption, that would 'go off,'
The pain wracked her dying body
She began to escape with toddy.

In a drunken stupor, one night,
She saw her handsome prince, shining bright,
He had broken her heart decades ago,
But here he stood, smiling and aglow.

"Come to me, sweet darling!
Too long I've been waiting!
Petunia was a poor choice,
I've been living 'til now hearing your voice."

"Come with me, give me your hand,
Your beauty, your spirit; oh, how grand!
I'll love till hell's fire burns me to ash,
To leave you was utterly foolish and rash."

The queen gazed at the apparition,
And listened desperately to his rendition,
Carried on a hazy cloud of drink
She laughed, crooned, let herself sink...

She walked to the window, she stretched her hand
She saw her soldiers forming a merry band
Imposters! They had betrayed her to the enemy!
But her eyes were full of the man only she could see.

Whose death she had ordered, long ago,
But surely, they had let him go.
He loved her still! Indeed, how could he not?
She climbed the window sill in one shot.

In that minute, she felt like a bird,
Her stone heart disappeared, her broken one stirred,
She hoisted her flowing skirt, and bit her lip
She braced herself, tingling to her every fingertip...
She jumped, flying, laughing, feeling herself born anew...

The woman's curse came true.

The Forest

We walk in this forest,
Two strangers
Lost, hapless, surrounded by whispering trees
Other people, looming darkly above.
Why do you walk away; my fingers grasp at shadows
I grope blindly, not believing the things I do see
Lonely, empty, and bewildered
We entwined our minds
Only for this?
For calling out without an answer? Cliques within cliques? A night that never moves into rosy dawns?
And....a walk in a forest?
Full of trees and dreams
And a reality to escape from
It was never my fault,
You remember that...
I couldn't help it if you pushed me away.
No incentive now to care, is there?
Yet I walk this familiar path with you,
Yearning to feel familiar emotions,
All I feel is a deep sense of loss.
Shared history,
reaches out with gnarled, possessive fingers and binds us together...
If only in our hearts.
That's okay
When I walk out of this forest
This labyrinth we call growing up,
Maybe I will understand
Why this had to be.
Maybe I will walk away
As pride tells me I should.
But for now
As we walk together
So close, yet so far,
I will let my mind and heart battle, as they aways have when I am with you.

In my heart...

Most of the time, I feel like an alien; so unlike other girls. I hate every kind of gender based stereotype and discrimination, with the result that I wear my hair short, advocate castration for MCPs(i.e. Male Chaunvinist Pigs) and insist that Nithin sit on MY lap. I see red whenever someone tells me I 'throw' and 'fight' like a girl. The very idea of marriage makes my breakfast move up uncomfortably to my throat, and my ideal home revolves around a lavender car, three dogs(one Golden Rett-Neo, one Labrador-Romeo, and a Cocker Spaniel...whom I haven't named yet),an excellent cook and a jacuzzi tub. There is no room for a man. Perhaps there will be; I neither know nor care. I feel pissed when people tell me purple is for girls(it was the color of aristocracy!!!) and there is nothing I hate more than pink. I also tend to be undemonstrative, career-minded and a total DISASTER in the kitchen.
But in some ways, I guess I'm a 'typical' girl. I cannot live without lipbalm and hair serum; I love nose piercings and skirts; I take audaciously long baths.
And, oh yeah, I want to be a mother someday.
I'm very clear on this point. Just yesterday, I read an article on adoption in Good Housekeeping magazine(we get about 4 monthly magazines in my house, and I devour them all). It was an eye-opener; I realized the joys, legal difficulties, societal hurdles and personal problems that single parents face. For a woman, it is more exaggerated; despite being financially independent and reasonably responsible, she is bombarded with questions-Is that her illegitimate child? Is she infertile? Who will marry her now?
While discussing this with my mother(who's a pretty broadminded person), I was drawn into an argument. She has never failed to be shocked by what she considers my 'foolish' decision-long before Angelina Jolie and Sushmita Sen made it fashionable, I had decided to adopt someday. My mother is convinced that no man will ever marry me if I do so. In desperation she suggested I use the newest biotech discovery(of manufacturing sperm from my bone marrow, fusing it with my ovum in vitro, and using a surrogate mother). She then detailed why I should refrain from such a 'rash' act-I will be shunned by society, the child will be birthed by a rape victim or a prostitute....
So? So what? That's more reason why the poor mite should get a chance for happiness, life and hope, instead of rotting away in an impersonal orphanage. This brings to mind one parent recounting how her adopted daughter would 'roll her head from side to side before sleeping.' This was because she was not rocked to sleep in her orphanage.
Many horror stories exist, and orphans suffer in a country already poor and overpopulated. I wish to save atleast one of them, preferably a girl, from the clutches of cruel Fate. If a man refuses me on that point, I am better off without him. If society disowns me, I will always have my daughter to fall back on...
My daughter. I can see her so clearly. Small, happy, curly-haired....With clear, soft skin, and shining, limpid eyes. I'll change her diapers at night and figure out how to mix baby formula and sterilise milk bottles.Her pattering feet with anklets will grow nearly as big as mine someday, and we'll go shoe shopping together, grumbling about lack of choice. She'll give me a hug when I return from the office, tired out, and I'll teach her to walk erect, never depend upon a man, and follow her heart. Her laughter, her tears, her joys, her sorrows...they will enrich my life and make it worth living, even on those days when I'm so depresed I can't get out of bed. Even during our worst fights, I'll remind myself that this girl is God's gift, a chance for me to be young again. I'll do my best to give her a good life, but I will never try to shield or protect her. I will watch, quietly, proudly, as she fights her battles-and triumphs.
Unfortunately, as of now, I can't see my future daughter in my future house, even though I can see every other detail so clearly. My untidy worktable, with my latest journalistic articles; Romeo, eating nonstop; my messy wardrobe; the heavy quilt on my bed. That's because I don't have a PHYSICAL definition of my perfect child. Her features, the colour of her skin, her attributes-they don't matter to me at all. A decade from now, as I stand in an orphanage, amidst cribs of sweet cooing babies, I'll venture a finger. She'll reach out and clasp it. With her miniscule palm. With a smile. I will cry. And an unbreakable, unshakeable bond will be formed.
But still I can cherish her, unborn and unseen.
How?
Because I can see her in my heart.